Words and Images from Ed Felker

Sandy


She finds joy in the smallest of natural wonders.

She will stop her chores to watch with fascination the comings and goings of a cicada wasp in the barn. Or a frog in the yard. Or a family of deer. And her excitement over these miracles, these brushes with nature that most people never take the time to notice, is infectious. I look forward to sharing things with her. An eagle sighting. A hummingbird nest found in the woods. A beautiful moth. An odd insect. A storm cloud.

She loves dogs. And those who are lucky enough to win the lottery that is being her dogs are blessed with a profound, unending outpouring of affection that begins the moment they meet, and does not end. Ever. The spirits of dogs past are still and forever bathed in the warmth of her love for them.

She has a way with horses. Once, in the middle of the night, we awoke to the sound of our horses in distress. We went out to find that five horses from the property a few lots over had gotten loose, and were rummaging through the woods adjacent to our paddocks. The sound of five confused horses snapping limbs, snorting and crying out was of course quite disturbing to our horses, who responded by freaking the hell out. What happened next was truly remarkable. In the dark, surrounded by nine very agitated beasts and one very nervous husband, she orchestrated a horse/space/time management plan. Our horses were carefully but quickly calmed and gathered and put in the barn in a sequence that would cause the least anxiety to those who remained out. Then, in the woods, the mare who she presumed the others would follow was corralled and led through dense woods around to a gate. The others frightfully followed. All the while she gave me things to do and told me where to stand to be safe. Everyone got in and separated safely, and it was one of the most impressive displays of natural horsemanship I’ve ever seen.

Long ago I read somewhere that you know you’re with the right person when you each want the others’ dreams for them more than you want yours for yourself. When I see her riding, or grooming or preparing for a show, or when I hear her enthusiastically talking to a friend about some riding problem she had worked out, or when I see the horses come in from the front field to meet her at the barn in the morning, I know it’s true.

As for me, these days I think a lot about my life and who I am. Maybe it’s the recent reconnecting with people from my past, maybe it’s just age, but I look back. I don’t dwell, or try not to anyway, but I look back. And when I do, the most amazing thing comes into focus: the only time I have ever really been comfortable, confident, truly happy with who I am, is the time I’ve been with her.

She didn’t change who I am. But she loves the best of me, and I like to think she brings it out. My parents made me who I am, but she is the one who made it possible to find myself. I’m lucky to have found her. I love you.

8 Responses

  1. Those who know me may have seen this already on my facebook page. Forgive the duplication, but I’m slowly moving essays like this here. As always, thanks for reading.

    January 26, 2012 at 9:20 am

  2. That is a touching, beautiful tribute. I would be mildly envious of Sandy if not for the fact that I am married to someone who thinks of me in this way. May we all be so lucky as to have such partners in life.

    January 26, 2012 at 9:50 am

  3. jena

    Beautiful essay, Ed.

    January 31, 2012 at 1:14 pm

  4. Ellie Fassbender

    Ed, this was lovely to read. I wish I knew Sandy, i think you must be fortunate to have each other. Ellie – a cousin in Wisconsin

    February 4, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    • Well hello, Ellie! So nice to see you here. Thank you, I’m glad you found my blog and enjoyed this post, we are indeed fortunate. I hope you and yours are happy and well. Ed.

      February 4, 2012 at 3:57 pm

  5. Wonderful love story. I am truly glad that you put in words the wonder and the glow that fills your soul for your chosen other. It speaks to the best in all of us. Thank you for sharing…and if she didn’t already know how you felt, she sure does NOW!

    February 21, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    • Thank you for those kind words! By the way, you might be interested in my graphic design web site… 😉

      February 21, 2012 at 1:33 pm

  6. So lovely. What love should be. Aww. And awe.

    March 1, 2012 at 10:06 pm

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